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I myself struggle to even imagine myself in the hands of someone else, a part of their lives or better yet them a part of mine. Not because I can’t love. I can.
I’ve learnt that I need to be in control of my thoughts and feelings. I can’t have someone else having any control over them. I need to have a structured day to complete all the things I need to do to keep me level headed. If I feel anything will help jeopardise this my instant reaction is to run & protect myself, from my own self destructive behaviour.
I don’t write this for pity and definitely not for help. To be honest I don’t want to be helped yet. Maybe one day but not yet. A lot will find this too deep. Too messy. Which is why I’ve kept the reasons as to why I choose to be single for the most of about 5 years now. Yes I’ve found myself wanting people in my life, I do love the cute dates and cuddles and security of having someone there but nothing is worth me losing myself again to something I couldn’t control. I chose people I believe I won’t have a chance with because no matter how much a may want it it won’t happen and I’ll remain in control. Deep I know. Which is why I choose to fill my life with colour and humour and beautiful people around me. #infj #happy #incontrol #single #raw #poetry #writing #personality #truth #selfie
I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable BADA$$ I’m going to be today! #single