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Recently, I've been experiencing a prolonged episode of •
Anyone who has known this phenomenon will have a different description of how it affects them. For me, it feels like time is moving too fast. Life is passing by around me in an accelerated, black & white haze, & my mind is stuck in an endlessly fast forwarded loop. Extreme brain fog makes it impossible to focus even on my own thoughts, & my body feels as though it's functioning in autopilot, meaning I don't feel in control of my own actions or decisions.
In summary, I feel like a passenger trapped in an unfamiliar body.
Of course, these feelings are just that; They are not facts. But when your mind is programmed to function in this way, awareness & understanding can only take you so far in terms of overriding it.
Dissociation is one of the mechanisms that your brain uses in order to protect you. When the body is under intense stress, perhaps during a sky dive or a personal tragedy, when looking back people often describe the memory as 'surreal' or 'dreamlike'. This is due to the brains attempt to protect you from sensory overwhelm, by disconnecting from the physical event. However, when the trigger isn't a part of your external environment, but instead comes from something within you that you can't easily escape from, activation of this mechanism can become chronic.
But all is not lost. There are things you can do!
TALK ABOUT IT. Talk to your GP. Talk to your therapist. Talk to your loved ones. Take your medication RELIGIOUSLY, & make time to do things that make you feel & •
Creative writing is one of the things that has been helping me the most lately, as it helps me to externalism & make sense of what I'm feeling. Other things that help include simply being around people I trust, listening to their conversations & physical contact with people I feel safe with.
Even if they don't make sense to you right now, you're feelings are real & valid. We WILL get through this.
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Drawing, 2018, 23 x 38 cm. ******** Choice. Taking (major) decisions in personal life involves many perceptions. Which path to take and how? First, memories of past experiences influence options, including family values and educational imprints. Second, people surrounding us give different bits of advice regarding their own experiences and view on life. Third, there is the influence of the broader outside world. What do we read, see and hear, and what remains hidden? Fourth, having attachments, like fears, mental biases towards particular persons or situations, because of lack of understanding, etc. The mind gets filled with all these influences. How to choose?
******** Facing a major choice, one friend once asked me: "what do you feel, imagining various options?" I pondered over that question during periods of silence. It brought back a precious memory about my dad's advice to draw (noticing my happiness). So, after he died, I chose to let go of (inner) fear and check every new morning on its absence, because fear returns if I do not remain aware that we are all souls on a journey, ultimately eager to experience shared goodness.
******** I have no idea about future events, locally and globally, but don‘t need to as long as I practice inner silence through drawing and living in a small circle of family, friends, and pupils. That keeps me attentive. I experience by heart that God / a Universal Intellect guides our choices and helps to work out all imperfections. God spreads the power of love to transform any kind of sorrow, "until the end of time, come what may" (by the way, that is a beautiful song!) 🎶.
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