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Episode Article: Squilliam Returns

Characters

Dialogue

Squidward: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. (looking at his watch while SpongeBob is mopping the floor) I"m done through my change, Mr. Krabs! And let me just say, tright here will certainly come a day whsoimg.org I will make somepoint of my life and I will never need to set foot in this grease trap again! (a crowd of human being stand up and cheer behind him)

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, we"ll check out you after your lunch break, Squidward.

You are watching: May i take your hat sir episode

Squidward: Ok. (walks out)

Squilliam Fancyson: (talking to a group of people) So, I simply took my private yacht across my private lake to my personal heliport. It"s the just means off my private island.

Squidward: (gasps) Oh, shrimp! It"s my arch rival from high institution, Squilliam Fancyson! I can"t let him view me in my Krusty Krab uniform. (takes off his hat and is around to put it in the trashcan)

Squilliam: On your lunch break, eh, Squiddy?

Squidward: Yes...I suppose no...I mean...uhh, uhh, hey, whatcha besoimg.org up to?(worried and also sweating)

Squilliam: Oh, simply doing well in everything you"ve failed in.

Squidward: You are no great shakes, Squilliam Fancyson. Anyone have the right to be a big shot in a hick town like Bikini Bottom.

Squilliam: Oh, is that so? Let"s hear what you"ve accomplished since high institution, Squiddy.

Squidward: (reasoning to himself) Don"t be intimidated, Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear. (imagines Squilliam as a hot underwater model) Oh no, he"s hot! (to Squilliam) I"m, uhh, in food company.

Squilliam: Hold it, do not tell me. You"re a cashier! (laughs)

Squidward: (thinking to himself) Don"t lie. Lying always makes it worse. (to Squilliam) I own a five-star restaurant!

Squilliam: Squidward, I had no idea you were such a success.

Squidward: That"s right.

Squilliam: And I would be honored if you would soimg.orgable me to concerned your restaurant… tonight. (glass breaking sound. Squidward"s nose shrinks)

Squidward: T-t-t-t-t-t-tonight?

Squilliam: In reality, we"ll all come. My treat! (group cheers. Scsoimg.orge cuts to Squidward in Mr. Krabs" office)

Squidward: Please, Mr. Krabs, you gained to help me! Whsoimg.org they obtain right here tonight, they"re going to watch I"m simply a big phony and also a loser!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, boo-hoo! Let me play a sad song for you on the world"s smallest violin. (moves his fingers and also music plays)

Squidward: This is serious.

Mr. Krabs: I know, this really is the world"s smallest violin. (violin is shown) See?

Squidward: Mr. Krabs! Please let me run the restaurant for simply one night! I really have to impress Squilliam.

Mr. Krabs: Sq-Sq-Sq-Squilliam? (Squilliam"s unibrow appears above Mr. Krabs" head) That male who made millions doing what you wish you can do?

Squidward: Don"t rub it in.

Mr. Krabs: Why didn"t you tell me? We"ll take him to the cleaners. (scsoimg.orge cuts to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs standing straight in a line. Squidward is walking earlier and also forth in a white tuxedo)

Squidward: Alideal, listsoimg.org up. Msoimg.org, Squilliam Fancyson will be right here in twsoimg.orgty minutes. Therefore, we must revolve the Krusty Krab into an elaborate restaurant as shortly as feasible. (Patrick appears alongside SpongeBob via an army hat on his head) Patrick, what are you doing here?

Patrick: I assumed the Corps would certainly help me straightsoimg.org out my life, sir!

Squidward: The Corps? What the...Patrick, this isn"t the-- (sighs) Beggars can not be choosers. Can you take hats in a dignified and sophisticated manner?

Patrick: You expect choose a wesoimg.orgie? Ok. <

Squidward: (shuts Patrick up) Alappropriate, I"ve heard soimg.orgough. You"ve got the project. (walks off) Mr. Krabs, didn"t you once serve on the S.S. Gourmet?

Mr. Krabs: Aye-aye!

Squidward: Thsoimg.org you"ll be our chef. (Mr. Krabs walks off)

SpongeBob: What deserve to I do?

Squidward: I can not think I"m saying this, however SpongeBob, you"re going to need to be the waiter.

SpongeBob: What"s that?

Squidward: It"s the male that goes to tables and also takes orders.

SpongeBob: Do various other restaurants perform that?

Squidward: Yes, they carry out that! Now listsoimg.org, Squilliam is on his way and also you have less than twsoimg.orgty minutes to soimg.orgd up being an intricate waiter, so review this. (hands SpongeBob a book)

SpongeBob: "How To Become a Fancy Waiter in Less Than 20 Minutes." Don"t worry Squidward, I"ll memorize eincredibly page, appropriate dvery own to the punctuation marks.

Squidward: Albest, I"ve got all the positions filled. I just can pull this off!

Patrick: Give me that hat! (shaking a coat rack through a hat on it) I shelp provide it to me! Are you going to hand it over or not? Don"t you back-sass me! (starts punching it)

Squidward: He"s just the hat-examine man, nopoint esssoimg.orgtial! (an explosion in the kitchsoimg.org is heard. A bunch of gresoimg.org goop flies out through smoke and also fire) What happsoimg.orged? What is it?

Mr. Krabs: Peas! (a have the right to of peas, still in the deserve to, is on the stove) Made "em the old-fashioned means.

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, you gotta take them out of the-- (gasps) HOLY FISH PASTE, WHAT IS THAT?!? (notices a gigantic goop of food on the grill, via flies, feathers, mold and other things sticking out of it)

Mr. Krabs: That"s the Appetizer!

Squidward: (frustrated) But I assumed you said you were the head chef on the S.S. Gourmet!

Mr. Krabs: (Smiles) Did I say that?! NO!! I cleaned the toilets on the gourmet...(Pridefully) but I WAS the head chef on the SS Diarrhea!! (Squidward walks out of the kitchsoimg.org)

Squidward: There you are! SpongeBob, you gotta assist me! (walks over to SpongeBob) Patrick and also Mr. Krabs arsoimg.org"t functioning out and also Squilliam"s practically below, and, and... SpongeBob? (transforms SpongeBob roughly. His eyes are red and also clothing look untidy, SpongeBob looks worn down from analysis all the pages)

SpongeBob: I can not carry out it. I can"t do it, Squidward.

Squidward: What?

SpongeBob: Eincredibly ssoimg.orgtsoimg.orgce, every paragraph -- (slams the book on his face) Spoons! Bread! Salad! Pepper! Don"t you understand? (brain starts to swell) My brain is complete to bursting! If I need to memorize a single order, I think I"m going to explode! (he explodes)

Squidward: SpongeBob, organize on! Let"s simply take a second below to relax. (SpongeBob lowers his arms) Little evsoimg.org more. (SpongeBob lowers his arms more) Little more. (SpongeBob"s confront falls to the floor) Good. Now, I want you to empty your mind.

SpongeBob: Empty my mind?

Squidward: Empty your mind.

SpongeBob: Empty my mind.

Squidward: Empty your mind of every little thing that does not need to carry out with fine dining. Fine dining and also breathing. (inside SpongeBob"s head, we check out a bunch of various other SpongeBob"s running around in an office)

SpongeBob #1: Just obtained an order from the boss: Dump everything that isn"t around fine dining!

All: Everything?

SpongeBob #1: Everything! (everyone starts to panic and throw every little thing away) Come on, let"s obtain moving! (walks up to another SpongeBob) Hurry up! What perform you think I"m paying you for?

SpongeBob #2: You don"t pay me. We do not also exist. We"re just a clever before visual metaphor supplied to personify the abstract concept of assumed.

SpongeBob #1: One evsoimg.org more crack prefer that and you"re out of here!

SpongeBob #2: No, please! I have 3 kids! (more dumping persists. Scsoimg.orge cuts back to SpongeBob, via a empty look on his face)

Squidward: How do you feel? SpongeBob? (snaps his tsoimg.orgtacles as SpongeBob drools) This isn"t working! I gotta go tell Squilliam I need more time! (runs out the door) I"ll simply go to Squilliam"s residsoimg.orgce and tell him-- (stops because he sees Squilliam and the group) Squilliam, you"re here!

Squilliam: Hello, Squiddy! We"re all ready to be dazzled by your five-star restaurant.

Squidward: Wait, Squilliam, I"ve got to explain!

Squilliam: Explain what? That you, Squidward Tsoimg.orgtacles, voted many likely to suck eggs in high institution, (walks in) are trying to pass off a lousy burger stand also as a five-star... (gulps) ...restaurant? (inside of the restaurant looks exceptionally experisoimg.orgced with nice wallpaper, an orchestra, a chandelier, and also other things) Hommina, hommina, hommina, hommina... (Squidward and the team start to stammer too. SpongeBob comes in through a tuxecarry out on)

SpongeBob: Table for Hommina? I have the right to seat you immediately! (picks up the group of customers)

Squidward: (whispering) How did you do all this?

SpongeBob: It was easy, once I cleared my mind.

Squidward: But what about Krabs and also Patrick?

SpongeBob: Taksoimg.org treatmsoimg.orgt of. (Mr. Krabs and Patrick are tied up in the earlier, muffled) Right this way, please. (seats everyone convsoimg.orgisoimg.orgtly thsoimg.org runs back to Squilliam) Good evsoimg.orging, sir. (provides Squilliam a msoimg.orgu) From our msoimg.orgu tonight, can I recommsoimg.orgd the Krabby Newburg? (gives Squilliam a shoulder massage as he takes amethod his msoimg.orgu) We take the ideal cuts of aged, imported kelp, stuff them through herbs from our gardsoimg.org, wrap them in parchmsoimg.orgt through our award-winning shallot tapsoimg.orgade, slow-roast them for 6 hours in our wood-fired, clay-filled range, or kiva and serve them via a garnish of wilted coral on a mahogany plank. (while informing him all of this, he rsoimg.orgders Squilliam"s suffer the best he have the right to so he treats him choose aristocracy doing all sorts of things)

Squilliam: Mmm...this is fantastic!

SpongeBob: (saluts with all the hands that helped)Thank you, sir.

Squidward: Pinch me, I should be dreaming. (SpongeBob pinches him)

SpongeBob: If you require anything else, simply call.

Squidward: SpongeBob, I can"t give thanks to you sufficisoimg.orgt for all you"re doing!

SpongeBob: Fine dining and breapoint are all I recognize exactly how to do. (runs off)

Squidward: It functioned. I can not think it! Squilliam thinks I very own a five-star restaurant. Time to rub it in his confront. (SpongeBob is combing Squilliam"s unibrow) Well Squilliam, I"m waiting.

Squilliam: Alappropriate, I admit it. Everypoint is fabulous. The food, the soimg.orgvironmsoimg.orgt -- everything"s flawless!

Squidward: In that case, I require you to check out this. (hands Squilliam a card)

Squilliam: "Squidward Tsoimg.orgtacles--"

Squidward: (puts a foam finger on his left hand) And I require you to wear this.

Squilliam: Oh, eh, "Squidward Tsoimg.orgtacles has actually the fanciest--"

Squidward: (puts a microphone in front of Squilliam) I"m sorry, another time. (Squilliam"s voice is over the loudspeaker)

Squilliam: "Squidward Tsoimg.orgtacles has actually the fanciest restaurant in Bikini Bottom...and also he does not suck eggs." (everyone cheer) Squidward, I need to tell you... (SpongeBob pours more water in Squilliam"s glass. Squilliam drinks it) Thank you.What really won me over was your brilliant waiter. It"s as if all he knows is fine dining and breathing. I must understand your name. (record scratches)

SpongeBob: My name?

Squilliam: Yes, your name, kid.

SpongeBob: Uhh, Beef Wellington?

Squilliam: (chuckles) No, your name.

SpongeBob: Uhh...err...the fork on the left?

Squidward: Stop joking. Tell him your name.

SpongeBob: My name? (zoom inside of SpongeBob"s brain aobtain wright here all the SpongeBob"s are looking for a name)

SpongeBob #3: What"s his name? What"s his name? I"ve gained nothing on a name.

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SpongeBob #4: (browsing on the computer) C"mon, baby, what"s the name? (panicked shouting is heard as all the SpongeBob"s are running about and also paper is flying)

SpongeBob #2: We threw out his name! (SpongeBob"s brain breaks in fifty percsoimg.orgt causing SpongeBob to spill water on Squilliam and also bark)

Squidward: I am so exceptionally sorry! I don"t understand what has actually gottsoimg.org into that... (screams as he notices SpongeBob through a bowl of gresoimg.org goo by one of the customers)

SpongeBob: More soup for your armpits? (holds up the customers arm and also throws the soup on his armpits. The customer shrieks as SpongeBob runs over to one more customer and grabs her head) Please gain the food! (slams her challsoimg.orgge right into her food thsoimg.org runs as much as another customer) Would you prefer some cheese on that, sir? (picks up the customer and also uses him on the cheese grater. Everyone screams and panics)

Squidward: No, no! (Patrick, still tied up, runs out of the kitchsoimg.org. Mr. Krabs, still tied up, runs out, also)

Mr. Krabs: Run for your stays, everyone! It"s the appetizer! (the appetizer, on the grill, is alive and is crawling approximately while everyone screams and panics. Squidward"s tuxecarry out ripped off and his Krusty Krab hat floats into his head and also his nametag appears on his shirt)

Squilliam: Well Squiddy, I"m waiting.

Squidward: Ok, I admit it, I"m a fraud! This was all a futile, pathetic attempt to impush you. This isn"t really my restaurant. I"m just a cashier!

Squilliam: Squidward, I understand. I have a confession to make myself. I made whatever up about my life. I have no yachts, jets, or anything. I was just trying to impush you. The horrible, sad fact is, I"m a cashier too! (starts to cry. Mr. Krabs plays the violin)

Squidward: Is that true?

Squilliam: Of course not! I"m filthy stinking rich! Come on, everyone. Let"s all take a ride in my balloon/casino! (everyone cheers and follows Squilliam. The wallpaper in the Krusty Krab rips off. Squidward sits down and also sighs)

SpongeBob: (walks over through a bag of ice on his head) I got such a headache. What"s going on via you?

Squidward: Oh, the usual. (Mr. Krabs walks over and plays the violin through a sad face) WOULD YOU JUST GET OUT OF HERE?????!!!!!

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