If you are a constant reader of my write-ups, you have to understand that periodically I tend to think on the even more negative side of things. In reality, much of my ideas stem from believing the worst in humankind. This occasionally creates an inner confliction within me because I don’t desire to be a pessimist, I desire to look at eincredibly situation in an optimistic light but doing so would certainly clash through what I think the outcome will be. In being a pessimist, I have actually also discovered that I am often stressed and also end up being too invested in this life bereason deep dvery own inside I don’t believe tright here is a god or a greater being watching over us. With a idea of no afterlife I struggle to make this life as finest as I deserve to because It’s the just possibility I’ll gain. I recognize myself as an agnostic greatly not bereason I think there is a opportunity for a god, yet I desperately desire tbelow to be.

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I don’t desire to think that all the mistake I have made have the right to never before be remepassed away and also that as soon as its over, its over. I look roughly me and also I frequently uncover that many of the religious civilization I satisfy seem happy with what life has given them bereason they suppose the afterlife to be much grander. Part of me wishes that I also thought the same thing. I wrote a short article a while back around exactly how I wiburned I was ignorant and happy, which I would certainly speak to this a follow approximately.

I was actually elevated going to church and also both my paleas are rather believers in a Christian god. When we started playing sporting activities, we stopped going to church, but also as a young skeptic I remember reasoning that much of what we were being told was simply stories like the stories of the Romale and Greek Gods. I don’t think I grasped the fact that human being actually took it seriously and also abide by the rules as vigorously as some execute. We weren’t a catholic church so I never had actually to confess or feel guilt for anything I did, and also in the grand plan of points our church was around as casual as they came. When I was about 12 or 13 we stopped going practically completely and also I haven’t been back given that.

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People talk about the church and also various other spiritual establishments brainwashing world and while I carry out believe that to an level, I practically envy those being brainwashed. I frequently make this reference, yet if you have ever before seen the movie “Shallow Hal” with Jack Babsence that plays a character who brainwaburned into viewing people’s appearance as a manifestation of their inner beauty, you would understand the beauty that believing in somepoint deserve to lug. In the movie he starts dating a woguy who everyone else sees as an obese grotesque womale, however to him he sees a gorgeous woman and also is very happy via his life. I desire the exact same point to happen to me in a way, to think in something higher that is pulling the strings so I have the right to pull some of the burden off myself for the mistakes I constantly make.

Delight is something that is a matter of perspective and also my negative perspective frequently doesn’t permit me to create it. Giving me something to live for and also think in would readjust my life. Even if I think around cults prefer “Heaven’s Gate” that all committed suicide, part of my messed up brain thinks about exactly how happy they should have actually been thinking they were going to the promise land also in the time of the days leading as much as as soon as they drank the coolade.

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I think faith in something have the right to be a powerful motivator and force that can inevitably assist you live a better and even more rounded life, but I just can’t help yet look at whatever through the lens of a finish skeptic. Doing this ends up making me believe that most of what I am seeing and hearing is difficult, which makes me sort of sad in a way. I want to think more than anypoint, yet my brain is simply not qualified of letting it sink in. Some human being take the idea that only having one life is a reason to make the the majority of of it, and I agree, yet at the very same time it makes me feel choose the life im leading is a disappointing one.

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My hope is that something will come alengthy to persuade me otherwise, but I honestly don’t watch that happening. I check out nearly all faiths as the method I view fairytales for children, exciting and also sometimes entertaining, yet doing not have any reality. Im trying though, im trying to check out the light and convince myself otherwise, for myself, for my health and the majority of of all for my happiness.