Living via a roommate or two has come to be more and also even more renowned these days, and not just among the college-age population. For many type of adults, the increasing price of living, coupled with the nation’s floundering economic climate, has actually promoted an extra open-minded outlook on cohabitation. Single human being, married couples, and also extended family members are getting in on the act. Sometimes it’s for financial factors, sometimes it’s for companionship, and also periodically it’s because someone’s health and wellness necessitates a roommate. While many civilization advantage from having actually a roommate, living with a roommate is not always easy.

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What would you execute if you uncovered that your brand-new roommate has control-freak tendencies? Would you head for the hills? Often, financial realities make that option impossible. Thanktotally, though, if you ever find yourself looking throughout the room at a managing roommate, tright here are a few points you deserve to execute to ensure that your coexistence is not simply simply tolerable, however coherent for both of you.

What is a ‘Control Freak’?

“Control freak” is not a formal mental health diagnosis, yet fairly a famous term offered to label someone via controlling behaviors.

In his book The Control Freak, Dr. Les Parrott III, professor of clinical psychology at Seattle Pacific College, says that “control freaks are world that care even more than you do about something and also won’t stop at being pushy to acquire their method.” They seem to have an opinion on whatever and try to dictate what you are meant to perform, what you are supposed to think, and also how you must feel.

Many kind of psychological health professionals agree that characteristics associated via a controlling perchild frequently include:

Fear or paranoiaMicromanagementBullying or tauntingObsessive thoughts or compulsive actionsOver-protective or helicopter parentingIsolating a person from his or her loved ones and friends

It is necessary to note that people who display regulating habits are not necessarily trying to damage others deliberately. In truth, a managing roommate might genuinely treatment about you and can actually have actually your best interests at heart.

Understanding the Psychology behind Controlling Behavior

Tbelow are a number of factors that can affect an individual to end up being control oriented. Traumatic occurrences in the previous, a history of abuse (physical, sex-related, and/or emotional), low self-esteem, lack of trust, a are afraid of abandonment, perfectionism, and also a are afraid of faientice can all add to the development of manage issues. Experts believe that particular screens of controlling behavior might even be an indication of an underlying psychological wellness worry.

Angela Avery, MA, LLCOMPUTER, NCC, defines that controlling behavior “absolutely has to do via control being used to assuage stress. Often world that are regulating must control the outside bereason they can’t regulate the interior (of themselves or others).” Therefore, by controlling what they can, these individuals attempt to minimize their expocertain to future harm or disregard.

As unbelievable as it can sound, the need for your roommate to control your actions regularly illustrates his or her own lack of control. If you think about it, a regulating roommate likely has a lot more on his or her plate than you could initially intend.

The Psychological Effects of Cohabitation

Major lifestyle transforms, such as cohabitation after years of living on one’s own, deserve to have actually prouncovered emotional and also mental impacts even for civilization that do not usually screen managing actions. A college-aged teen, for example, could revel in his or her newdiscovered freedom and, to the dismight of a roommate, readily act on impulses which had been suppressed. Immediately after leaving an abusive marital relationship, a single parent can be experiencing severe trust problems, in addition to high levels of tension and are afraid. With current events taken right into consideration, any kind of managing actions shown by these individuals may be an ordered, logical response to previous events or a promptly changing current. Clearly on in the instance of a roommate exhibiting controlling habits, circumstances perform issue.

Social expectations also play a key duty in just how roommates view each other and also themselves. For instance, typical settings such as sharing a dorm throughout one’s college years are frequently viewed as acceptable by the general public and might also be perceived as a rite of passage—a fundamental endure that adds to the richness of college life. However, nonconventional settings such as numerous families living together or married couples sharing an apartment with a 3rd roommate might be met with a certain level of societal disapproval—as if all the people associated have somejust how fairesulted in fulfill the mark. Such negative social perceptions can add to stress and anxiety within a family.

Helpful Strategies for Living through a Controlling Roommate

According to Aextremely, taking care of a regulating roommate “is all around limits and also standing as much as the controlling person in a non-confrontational method.” Never before attempt to bully a bully. Rather than providing in to demands, however, Barbara Baker, psychotherapist and also writer of How to Live through a Control Freak, argues establishing boundaries based upon reasonable expectations. Then, of course, you have to stick to them.

In order to efficiently live with a roommate who experiences obsessive compulsion, it is crucial that you do not collude through his or her obsessions. Doing points you would certainly not commonly do (such as be excessively neat and/or clean) just to appease the unrealistic obsessions of someone else can cause frustration. Instead of dwelling on any compulsive habits that annoy you, emphasis on the personality traits you really gain in your roommate.

In How to Live via a Control Freak, Baker also emphasizes the prestige of communicating one’s principles, thoughts, and feelings. Aid your roommate acquire to recognize you, your needs, and expectations. Share stories about yourself and also your experiences via him or her once the chance presents itself. This strategy will certainly aid control-oriented world develop respect for you and also your views.

If, despite your best endeavors, you are still struggling to live peacecompletely via your controlling roommate and leaving is not a financial possibility, think about seeking the assist of a psychological health and wellness professional in your neighborhood. Not only will a trained counselor or therapist help you cope with frustrations, he or she deserve to provide even more valuable suggestions to connect and develop boundaries with a roommate exhibiting managing behavior. Learning reliable interaction tactics from a expert have the right to assist you keep your roommate relationship beneficial, your aggravation in examine, and can also assist you make an excellent frifinish.


Baker, B. (2010). How to live with a control freak. London: Sheldon PressParrot, Les (2001). The manage freak. Carol Stream: Tyndale House Publishers.

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