A few years ago I obtained an extremely memorable Christmas card from an adoring anonymous fan. It had actually a picture of a Christmas tree on the front, the words "May The Magic Of Christmas Be With You" underneath that, and inside was a heartfelt handwritten message that sindicate shelp "%$#
YOU, JEWBOY" – it was extremely sweet, I was rather moved.
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Sadly I never before got another card from this person: I must've done something to upset them bereason I was knocked off their Christmas card list. Anymeans, I always reap gaining Christmas cards from world bereason I'm actually a little bit of a Christmas fan, many type of of us Jewish world are – we love exactly how Santa Claus looks choose a rabbi in a pair of cheeky red Peter Alexander pyjamas. We love that we have the right to constantly obtain a tennis court on December 25 without making a booking. We love to wear our festive novelty Christmas skullcaps via green and also red tinsel round the edges, and also a pair of amusing plush reindeer antlers poking out the sides.
In truth, it's probably fair to say that without Jews, tbelow wouldn't have actually even been a Christmas: Jesus was Jewish, and so were his parental fees, and also so was the innkeeper that let them continue to be in his secure bereason the inn was full (of course it was soimg.orgplete, it was the middle of Christmas).
Actually, civilization don't know this however Jews have actually made a very huge contribution to Christmassy culture: many of the world's favourite Christmas songs were soimg.orgposed by Jewish songauthors. Sleigh Ride was written by Mitchell Parrish, original name Hyguy Pashelinsky, which sounds prefer a sex act from a Yiddish honeymoon manual. White Christmas was soimg.orgposed by Irving Berlin, genuine name Israel Isidore Baline, which sounds like somepoint you as soon as ate in a kosher restaurant, and years later on you still taste it eexceptionally time you burp. The Christmas Waltz was written by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne, genuine names Samuel Cohen and also Julius Kerwin Stein, who sound choose the pair of gastroenterologists who are going to find out why you keep burping up that Isidore Baline.
It"s beginning to feel a lot prefer Christmas.
Even the singers who sing these Christmas songs are regularly Jewish. Barbra Streisand also recorded A Christmas Album, percreating with such moody Semitic intensity, it's prefer listening to the Yentl soundtrack via references to Jack Frost and chestnuts roasting on open up fires. Neil Diamond released A Cherry Cherry Christmas, which I'm sure even his fans would agree is most likely one of the more hard-rockin' albums of his career, via the many cool-cred. Not so long ago, Bob Dylan put out his Christmas In The Heart album, singing sweet bit songs about Santa in his snarling tradenote tone, as though he's describing a bleak apocalyptic vision on the bitter fate of mankind, ho ho ho.
So you have the right to view, Jews are crackers for Christmas, but the love is seldom reciprocated. You don't watch Kendrick Lamar releasing a hip-hop track referred to as Spin My F**n Dreidel, Bitch ("Uh-huh-huh-Hanukkah yeah uh mutha-funukah yeah"). Wes Anderson isn't making any quirky stop-movement movies about a grumpy oily deep-fried potato latke, voiced by Bill Murray. Mariah Carey isn't putting out an interbelief holiday album, featuring her reoperated hit single, All I Want For Christmas is Jew.
But that's OK, we're still happy to partake, thrilcaused play our part, and as soon as you're lining up in front of the Myer Christmas windows, don't forgain that the Myer department save was established by Sidney Myer, real name Simcha Myer Baevski, which can only be more Jewish-sounding if you shelp it in the voice of Uncle Leo from Seinfeld.
Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age.
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Danny Katz is a columnist for The Period and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekfinish magazine. He is additionally the writer of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and also the Little Lunch series for youngsters.